She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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