Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
