the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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