sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
