he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
where are you?
Hypothermia
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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