$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
