Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
