You smell like stripper and shame
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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