somebody snuck up and got me drunk
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
