i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
