just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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