apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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