you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Life is so much better after having sex.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
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Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
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Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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