glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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