if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
