pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
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And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
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The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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