Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
