i can't believe i had my finger in that
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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