I just saw a hot homeless man
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
