Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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