woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
