I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
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The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
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I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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