you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
