You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
