so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
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I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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