4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
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I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
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