Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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