...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
