On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I wear drunk well.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
