I want to have your abortion
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
