Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
vagina is talking i cant
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize