How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
well you can't waste a boner
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
