He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
