i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize