hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
