Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
