mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Drunk is not a location!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
