Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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