then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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