Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
