positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
