If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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