Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
