Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
