I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
