glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he told me I talked like a deaf person
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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