I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
