If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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