I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
