I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
