what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I FOUND THE LEGS
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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