New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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