Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's never too late to be topless.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
