i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
