Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
