$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
