I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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