dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
