I cockslap morals
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
