we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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