We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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