Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
