Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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